Navigating the Professional “Other”

How many times have you been invited to, or considered attending, a professional event and seen opportunities for those in the technology, legal, financial, medical, and hospitality sectors? Probably many times.

Has the event title or targeted audience ever kept you from attending? I hope not, because I’m here to tell you that you should be in those rooms.

It’s easy to feel like you’re on an island, but being the professional “other” is an advantage. It forces you to think outside the box and find unique ways to connect. Remember, many events have a targeted audience, meaning that is who they prefer to attend, but anyone is welcome. If you see a speaker you are interested in hearing from or a certain topic you want to learn more about, sign up and attend the event.

As a consultant who works in the end-of-life industry and is involved with many organizations, I often find myself as the only #funeraldirector in the room—the sole representative. I see this as an advantage rather than a hurdle. It allows me to establish new relationships, think about fresh ways to connect and provide support, and of course, it inevitably leads to many interesting questions.

Here are 5 things to keep in mind as you begin or expand upon your networking journey:

• ALWAYS HAVE BUSINESS CARDS (yes, I’m shouting this as I type).

• Let others talk about their businesses first. I know you may be excited to share what you do, but listening to others allows you to develop a strategic approach to your introduction.

• Don’t be afraid to ask questions—you never know where the answers will lead.

• The hardest thing you will do is walk through the door - all you can do after that is connect.

• Find a mentor or trusted advisor to brainstorm with or bounce ideas off.

Confronting a terrible reality

I recently returned from an 11-day trip to Israel. This trip was a privilege - emotionally and physically challenging, but very rewarding. I was given this opportunity through Birthright Onward and the UJA Federation of New York, organizations to whom I am forever grateful.

Over the 8 days of the organized trip, I was able to meet so many wonderful people, hear unbelievable stories, and bear witness to the atrocities committed on October 7th. My love for Israel has only grown, and I am in awe of the strength of her people.

It is no secret that since October 7th, I have struggled with the lack of acknowledgment by the funeral service industry of the horrific murders that took place. I have spoken up and out about it, and have shared the mission of ZAKA Search and Rescue with whoever I can. I have been told that people do not want to ruffle feathers, that they do not want to make something political, but the rape and murder of innocent civilians should not be controversial.

While I can tell many stories, I wanted to share one in particular, as it weighs heavily on me as a human, Jewish professional, and funeral director.

On the way to the Nova Festival site, our madrich (guide) Maor shared a personal story that for the first time on the trip, brought me to tears. Maor met Bruna Valeanu, who recently made aliyah to Israel with her mother, on a Birthright trip that he staffed. Bruna attended the Nova Festival and was brutally murdered on October 7th by terrorists, along with hundreds of other innocent victims.

As if this was not terrible enough for her family, Bruna’s family was not sure that they would be able to gather enough people for a minyan at the graveside, which is required for traditional Jewish burial. Maor shared that the family posted online asking for help to reach 10 people, and rather than just 10, tens of thousands of people showed up to ensure Bruna was laid to rest according to Jewish custom.

I walked around the Nova Festival site looking at the images of the victims, feeling sadness that they met such a horrific fate, anger that this happened and that families were not whole, and hopelessness that even after everything that they went through, families may not have been able to properly bury their loved ones.

We continued to the graveyard of cars, a truly awful place, where the burned cars of the Nova victims are on display for us to bear witness. I stood in the middle, around an installation of a car with poppies, and a rock that displayed the word Yizkor, which means “May G-d remember”, where I recited the Mourner’s Kaddish for all of the innocent lives lost.

I then looked for Maor, to ask him about his experience. I had thought about how families and communities might navigate shiva and Sheloshim but never thought for a minute that one may not have enough friends or family in Israel to have a minyan. I wanted to know if any other families had a similar experience and explained to him what I do in my professional life and how affected I was by what he shared.

This is an abridged, not very well-told, glimpse of my time in Israel, but it has impacted me greatly. I strongly urge those who work with the Jewish community to think about what it may mean to lose a loved one and not be able to provide them with a proper Jewish burial. I urge you to think about what it means to not have a whole person to bury, to not have a proper mourning period, to not be able to fulfill religious and cultural obligations.

Ask questions. Inform yourself. Understand the struggles of others. Show humanity. Above all, as easy as it may be to do so - do not look away. Bear witness. It is the only way we can begin to heal together.

Finding Your Brand’s Visual Voice

I admit it. Early in my career, I thought branding meant a logo and not much else. I did not think of myself as having a brand, especially when I worked for others. However, a wise friend and colleague once told me that everyone has a personal brand - and I took this advice into strong consideration when I decided to start my own business. 

Armed with this advice, I embarked on my branding journey as I began to create A. Resnick Communications. I thought it would be a fun exercise to design my logo, but this quickly proved to be a stressful exercise.  While I took the reins initially, I knew I would eventually need to lean on others for assistance, as visual creativity is not necessarily one of my strengths. So, I had some conversations with friends in marketing, searched for a logo template, and created a color palette that I felt properly reflected my industry and approach. I ordered three sets of business cards and am still working on the "perfect" card, and launched my business. Now, almost 18 months later, I decided to revisit my logo and make some tweaks, and when I did so, I started to think about how I could strengthen the visual representation of A. Resnick Communications, LLC. I came to a rather quick conclusion - trust the experts. 

I met with Roy DiMarco, founder of RGD Marketing, who has become a trusted colleague and confidant. From the very first time I met Roy, he impressed me with his approach to strategic marketing and his communication with his clients. We have had some great conversations exploring visuals, colors, and messaging, and this one was no different as we delved into a rubric of measurements regarding my company's logo:

• What colors reflect your brand? Are they industry-appropriate?

• Is your logo easy to read?

• Will the consumer understand what it is that you do?

While we agreed that my logo was in a good place, there were certainly improvements to be made. I needed to make it a little crisper, clearer, and slightly more modern. I love a simple look, but simple does not have to mean muted.

It was important to me to not only think through the items Roy and I discussed, but also to work with a branding expert as they truly understand how to build an approach and identity that reflects one's business and industry and is appropriate across all visual mediums. While you may love pink, it is imperative to consider what shade of pink you use. I work in the end-of-life industry, and while I love hot pink, I do not think it necessarily fits with my work and the approach I take with my clients, so I went with a softer pink that reflects warmth and empathy, which is my approach.

Roy took my logo and transformed it to make it sleeker and easier to read, and his small tweaks made a HUGE difference. His expertise took away some of the anxiety I felt about representing my business. Now that I have a logo I am proud of, I can focus on written and verbal communication, which is my expertise. While I am a solopreneur, it does not mean that I have to do everything alone. I believe that collaborative work is the best work. 

Remember - logos and brands can change over time. Think about the brands we use constantly - Amazon, Apple, Instagram, LinkedIn - they have all undergone rebrands and you can too!

3 Reasons We Need to Have “The Talk”

Talking about death is uncomfortable, but it is also necessary. Why? Let’s explore 3 reasons it is imperative to have “the talk” with your spouse, family, or even yourself.

It is important to note that each state has its own rules and regulations regarding cemeteries and funeral homes.

1. Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

   There are a lot of decisions to be made when someone passes away. Burial or cremation? Where should they be interred? What merchandise would they prefer? What type of clothing do I need to pick out? Who should make all of these decisions? The answer is simple - YOU. Only you know what you want unless you spell it out explicitly for someone else, which is exactly why I encourage preplanning. If you know that you would like a tahara as your means of preparation, a particular charitable fund for donations or your favorite song to be playing at the service, it needs to be documented. Your family wants to make the right decisions, but they are not mind readers. Let them know what you want, and if that is too uncomfortable, reach out to your local funeral home, or a third party such as an attorney to document your wishes - your support circle is larger than you may realize and we have to use all of our resources.

2. Know Your Options

   What are your options? Well, there are quite a few options to consider, and I am happy to discuss this in-depth, but for now, let’s take a look at some of the interment and preplanning options.

   You have the option to select your disposition, which may include cremation, burial, or depending on where you live, aquamation or human composting. If you decide that you would like a burial and do not have cemetery property, it is important to consider options when it comes to selecting a grave or a larger plot. Today, more cemeteries also allow for the interment of cremated remains, offering families alternatives to traditional burial plots.

   Preplanning a funeral service also offers an array of options. You may plan for just the funeral service, which includes the funeral home’s services and merchandise, or you may wish to include the Cash Advances (Clergy Honorarium, Cemetery Grave Opening, Certified Copies of the Death Certificate, Permits, etc.) as well if this is something that the funeral home offers as part of their preplan arrangement. You may also elect to plan without remitting payment. While there are certainly benefits to paying for a funeral in advance, it is important to note that this is not the only option.

3. Take the Guesswork out of your Vital Statistical Information

   At the time of need, or when preplanning, the funeral director will ask a series of questions to help them complete necessary paperwork, including certified copies of the death certificate. Believe it or not, some of this information may become a guessing game amongst family members or lead to a scavenger hunt for important documents. Aside from basic statistics such as your name, address, birthdate and social security number, the funeral home will need:

   • Parents’ Names (including Mother’s Maiden Name)

   • Military Discharge Information & Documents

   • Highest Level of Education

   • Informant Name and Contact Information

   • Cemetery Deed/Plot Information

   • Hebrew Name (if the decedent is of the Jewish faith)

   State-Dependent Information (depending on your state of residence additional information may include):

   • Parents’ State of Birth

   • Years Lived in County

   • Last Place of Employment

   • Years in Occupation

Paying it Forward

In the first half of this week, I had some chance encounters with good people, during which I saw the positive side of humanity and vowed to pay it forward.

The first involved a wonderful woman who saw someone was not allowing me to park (NYC parking is a gauntlet) and stopped her car to make sure I could get in. We ended up chatting through another light - where I thanked her profusely and she told me if we could do something to make someone's day easier we should do it.

The second was on the subway yesterday heading to an event where I was emotional after hearing some not-so-great news. A fellow rider noticed and handed me a pack of tissues. This small gesture made me smile through the tears and she does not know it, but it immediately comforted me. Sometimes a small action such as this means the world to the person on the receiving end.

The last encounter was at UJA-Federation of New York's Smart Women, Smart Conversations event, where we heard from Emma Silverman, of TMV, who spoke about the power of helping someone even when you are not hiring for their role. It does not cost much to invite them out for coffee or a drink, review their resume, or make an introduction to a contact who can help them, but it has a tremendous impact. This is something that I have practiced throughout my entire career, and I expect the same of those who I interact with and lead. Removing yourself from the equation, and acting selflessly is not only a kind gesture, but it could change the trajectory of someone’s life and career.

You may never know the impact that you are making, and that is uncomfortable for some, but we have to be comfortable living in the uncomfortable. At the end of the day, it is the selfless acts that pay dividends. Take that friend out for coffee, make a connection to someone who can help them along, and leave them with the task to pay it forward.

AI….what place does it have in the funeral industry?

AI is the buzziest thing in technology, but where and how does it fit into funeral service and the end-of-life industry? 

Before providing an answer, it is vital to note that AI cannot do all the work. It is a tool to help us, but there is still work to be done from a human perspective to ensure that we utilize AI to the best of its capabilities, which we will explore during this blog.

Okay - now that you have gotten past my disclaimer, I can tell you that AI can be a helpful aid when writing obituaries, death notices, and eulogies. While this may seem glaringly obvious, HOW we use AI matters. Sure, you can ask whichever AI tool you select, whether it is ChatGPT, copy.ai, or one that is built into your funeral home database, to write an obituary, but it is not as simple as saying, Write me an obituary for John Doe.

In this blog, we will focus on ways to use AI to write obituaries and death notices, as eulogies will need their own. While the internet is a source of information, it is merely there to guide us, as AI cannot provide the personality behind the words, nor can it weave in stories or anecdotes only you or your family would know. 

To create an accurate and beautifully written life story, I recommend these simple three steps: 

1. Tell your AI resource everything it needs to know. While this may initially seem silly - this is what you are using AI for - it can help weave interpersonal information with what they find online. It also helps set the stage for what you are looking to produce. For example, if you are writing a death notice, you must tell your AI resource this, as you need something short and direct rather than an obituary, which is more of a news article. 

   When I used AI to write a sample obituary for my grandfather, I told it where he grew up, the name of his business, the names of his first and second spouses, and also that he was the nicest, extremely clean and neat, devoted to his family, extremely charitable, and that he always had Oats & Honey Nature Valley Bars and Fiber One in stock. While AI may be able to find the initial information by searching the web, there is no way it can know the ins and outs of one's personality, hobbies, routine, or relationships. 

2. Check for grammar and conciseness. While I may be a funeral director, I am an English major, first and foremost, who cannot imagine not having someone (or something) check my work. I also say this as a much better editor than a writer. You can have AI check your grammar in a variety of ways - it can review an obituary or death notice that you, or the family, have already written, it can check an obituary or death notice you wrote using another AI resource, or you can ask it to periodically evaluate the grammar your obituary or death notice as it works. 

   The latter part of this recommendation is even more effective when writing a death notice. While obituaries provide the luxury of space, death notices are typically only a few lines, leaving little space to include everything you may want. AI can help consolidate information, often achieved by prompting, Using fewer words, or Shortening. 

3. Always - and I mean ALWAYS - have the family review the information before you provide it to a local news source or post it on your website.

   It should go without saying, but it bears repeating. The internet is vast and holds a lot of information, some of which may be incorrect, or the family may not want to share it with others. AI may also find details about a loved one the family did not know or has forgotten about, which they may expand upon or use in their eulogies rather than in a written tribute. 

It is imperative to remember that there is no AI without a prompt - and humans are the ones providing it. Like other technologies in the end-of-life space, we must consider that it is a tool, not a definitive answer. 

And just for good measure - I did have AI check my grammar on this post. 

Why I Took A Pause

August. That was the last time I wrote a blog post. A blog post focused on my professional journey - how I got here and what I hope to do next.

September. I spent the month of September celebrating the Jewish New Year with family and friends and gearing up for the last quarter of the year.

October. This is when my world as a Jewish woman and a professional came to a screeching halt.

While this is normally a phrase I would use in context to Bravo, let me explain why I had to take a pause. I am a Jewish funeral director. My family owned a Jewish business for over 40 years. I have been relied on as an expert in the field of Jewish funerals and mourning. I am also an extremely compassionate human being who was not prepared for what I was going to see from the world in the days and weeks to come. I have always prided myself on seeing the similarities with others and celebrating the differences - and the ground fell out from underneath me personally and professionally when I started seeing the amount of hate and antisemitism online.

We know that on October 7th, Israel and its people experienced a terrorist attack. What we were not prepared for, was what would come after that attack. That people would remain silent while our women, men, and children were slaughtered, raped, and kidnapped. That we would have to defend Israel’s right to exist. That we would have to campaign for the public to condemn these heinous acts. That we would have to justify the need to #bringthemhomenow. That we would wait with silent fear until our WhatsApp notifications popped up from our family in Israel. That we would have to send fathers waiting for the births of their children to war.

December. Here we are now. We are still waiting for the world to believe Israelis. We are still waiting for the hostages to come home. But what we are not doing is fighting this fight alone. I took a pause for the past three months to learn more about myself, push for advocacy, and regroup mentally, but I am back and ready to take on the second year of A. Resnick Communications. I am back to be a resource for Jewish funerals and mourning. I am back to help educate anyone who is seeking to learn more information about these rites and traditions and how they may overlap with rites and traditions in other cultures and religions. I am back - and I am ready to give people a voice. I am back - and I am more proud than ever to be a Jewish woman. I am back - and I am beyond grateful to all of the allies who have stuck their necks, personal lives, and careers on the line to fight back against antisemitism and hatred. I am back and I am recharged - and I am not going anywhere.

Between A Rock and An Uncomfortable Place

Why did I become a funeral director?

My response to this answer is simple - we had a successful funeral home in Fresh Meadows, NY and I was looking for my next professional challenge. I started as the bookkeeper but soon realized that if I was going to be in the “house that Sy (and Michael) built”, I was going to have to go to school for my license. 

Why did I leave day-to-day funeral directing?

This question is a little harder to answer - the stress and anxiety of internalizing a family’s grief really started to take a toll on me. While I loved making arrangements and assisting families during their time of need, I began to overthink every piece of a funeral. I would lie awake at night wondering if death certificates were going to be signed on time, having nightmares about services going wrong, and ultimately, I developed a very unhealthy relationship with myself. 

Why did I stay in the industry?

Back to the easy answers - I have so much admiration, appreciation, and love for this industry. Every day, funeral directors, funeral home managers, and owners sit down with families during their darkest times to help them plan a meaningful tribute for their loved ones. I found a wonderful therapist - and those of you who know me know how much I LOVE my therapist - leaned on my wonderful and understanding family, and decided to shift my focus to something extremely meaningful to me - funeral home consulting. 

What am I doing now?

In January 2023, I started my company, A. Resnick Communications, a consulting firm focused on communications and strategy in the end-of-life industry. My passions lie in working with funeral homes, cemeteries, monument companies, and families. While my goals are to help businesses with their near and long-term growth and business strategies, internal and external communications, and provide a voice in the Jewish funeral home market, I still enjoy speaking with families. I feel it is a duty and also a privilege to speak with families who are planning in advance or are at a time of need, and are unsure of what to expect when they pick up the phone and speak directly with a funeral home. There are a lot of decisions to be made in a relatively short time span, and like any other major decision, being prepared is key. 

What do I hope to do next?

Now on the back half of my first year in business, I hope to continue to grow A. Resnick Communications, and support anyone in the end-of-life industry looking to shift their focus within or around the industry. I understand first-hand the need for mental health services, having a friendly face to speak with, and most of all that funeral directors are essential employees and our voices deserve to be heard.

3 Tips for Successful Preneed Counselors

1. Be Transparent - Ensuring a family walks out of their preneed conference understanding the difference between funeral home charges and cash advances, why you ask for their personal information, and which services and items they have selected benefits everyone in the long run. Even if the family says they do not need you to review all of the fine print, which is a conversation I have definitely had, it guarantees that you have verbally disclosed all of the necessary legal information including interest accrual and its allocation. 

2. Ask the “Right” Questions - One of the advantages of planning in advance is the ease of notification at the time of need. A preneed counselor should take as much statistical information in advance as possible, as it expedites the removal and completion of the death certificate for the funeral director and allows the family to focus on arranging their service and mourning their loved one. Thus, it is beneficial that you ask for any religious information such as a Hebrew name, discharge papers, applicable military honors, and relevant family details, as items such as the deceased’s mother’s maiden name may be harder to obtain at the time a death occurs.

   In addition, as experts, preneed counselors should ask about the number of death certificates and walk the family through their assets, heirs, and institutions that may require a copy. Oftentimes, one has not considered their property, financial assets, or how many death certificates they may need to order. Walking them through this information builds trust and allows the family to contemplate what else they should prepare, including their estate. Asking the "right" questions generally leads to further conversation and offers an opportunity to review their options more thoroughly.

3. Make it Easy - While some families may opt to sign a preneed agreement in your office, others may need time to consider their options or wish to discuss their selections with their family members. I recommend you send the family home with printed copies of the preneed, attach “signature” flags, or send an electronic copy if your county or state accepts an electronic rather than a wet signature.

   If your funeral home allows payment in installments, schedule payments with the family before they leave your location. This offers a concrete schedule of payment, interest to accrue at a higher rate as the account is consistently funded, and, most importantly, peace of mind. 

Designing Your Narrative: How Your Website Tells Your Story

We all know that having a website is vital to one’s business, but do we all understand the ways our website works FOR us? 

Your website provides an opportunity to tell your location’s story and delve into who you are, what you do, and why you do it - and it is as simple as following the 5 W’s:

Who - Who are you? Who is your team? What is the history of your business? Your location? Your ownership? Do you have local relationships you would like to highlight or organizations you support?

What - What do you do? What services do you provide? What merchandise is available to families? What sets you apart? 

Where - Where are you located? What are your days and hours of operation? What is your contact information? Do you have the ability to have services outside of your location?

When - When can a family count on you? Is there a spectrum of services you provide before, during, and after a loved one passes? Does your location hold remembrance, networking, or professional events? 

Why - Why do you do what you do? What drew you and your team to this industry? Why do families initially choose your location and services and what makes them use you continually?  

Five Ways Your Funeral Home is a Community Center

Support Local Programming and Events 

Funeral homes have been a mainstay for community programs, such as preplanning seminars, bingo nights, and local educational and professional events. Some locations have a local college or library where they support cultural events such as a remembrance ceremony, or a historical exhibit. With today’s enhanced technologies, it is important to ensure your support extends beyond those nearby. Consider providing a “hybrid option” or virtual-only events for families that are snowbirds, those who may be traveling, or may simply be unable to attend in person. Expand your reach and share your program or event highlights on social media including Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn.

In addition, funeral homes continuously work with allied professionals, such as financial planners, T&E attorneys, elder care attorneys, and adult care facilities. These are all excellent resources for funeral homes and hosting or sponsoring a panel discussion to provide families with a breadth of information is a great way to build connections and reach your community. 

Fraternal Meetings and Organizations

Many funeral homes participate in fraternal organizations, such as the Knights of Columbus, and the Freemasons, and while meetings in the funeral home used to be the norm in some areas of the country, we have seen them shift to alternate locations. Why not invite an organization you are part of or familiar with, or local law enforcement agencies, to use one of your family rooms to hold their meetings? It is a great way to bring exposure to your location and showcase your beautiful facilities including any catering spaces. 

Strong Relationships with Clergy and Leadership 

When a family needs clergy to officiate their funeral service, funeral homes are the connection. When a family requires a police escort to the cemetery, the funeral home acts as a liaison. When a veteran passes, the funeral home arranges for the Honor Guard and flag. The relationships between a funeral home and its local enforcement, government agencies, and clergy are vital. Funeral homes are the connection point to ensure all necessary parties are in communication and the family receives appropriate services.

As a personal anecdote, I always put a lot of thought when referring a clergyperson to a family as it should be a fit for both parties, and I am a resource to many family and friends in need of someone to officiate a funeral, unveiling, baby naming/bris, or a wedding. During hard times, the clergy can provide immense support and guidance, and the relationship formed can last a lifetime. 

Continuous Service - Pre-Need, At-Need, & Aftercare 

If you have ever heard me speak about the role of the funeral director, you will know I look at us as guides. We are there to guide a family through the worst day of their lives and understand that no matter how many times they have planned a funeral, it is their first time arranging for this individual, whether in advance or at-need. 

Perhaps your funeral home has a monument department, provides information for bereavement groups, or creates a Yahrzeit calendar for families of the Jewish faith. These are all examples of Aftercare and create further engagement with the families your location serves. I often hear from funeral homes that they wish to develop or expand their Aftercare services. As a first step, jot down all of the services your funeral home provides to families, and you may find you already have a program in place! 

History within the Community 

Many funeral homes have been around for fifty years or longer, cementing their place in the community. They have provided families and professionals in their local area with all of the services previously mentioned and much more. The reputation your funeral home has built is why families repeatedly enter your doors - think about how often you have had to pull information from a family you served previously. In addition, funeral homes around the country have connections with one another, whether from a family referral or relationships built throughout the years. Just like an individual, your funeral home has a story, and you should ensure you are telling it.

So, what does a funeral director do?

I always push Funeral Directors to network, even if they are uncomfortable, as we are undoubtedly a magnet for questions. One of the most common questions I am asked is - what do you actually do? 

While I may not be in the day to day of funeral directing anymore, I still answer this question the same way. A funeral director is here to guide you through the most difficult time in your life and well beyond that. We are here to complete statistical paperwork, arrange services, communicate with medical professionals, coordinate services with clergy and cemeteries or crematories, place obituaries, create meaningful tributes, guide you through the options available, and most importantly help you tell the story of your loved one. 

One of the most rewarding things I do in my current role is walk families through what to expect prior to their interactions with a funeral home or cemetery. I outline the statistical information that they will need to have to complete any legal paperwork such as the certified copy of the death certificate, including any military discharge papers, their mother’s maiden name, and any other state specific requirements.

As a next step, I review merchandise and service options with the family. I take the word “direct” very seriously in my discussions as families may be unaware of all of the options available to them. If the family is of the Jewish faith, they will need to know that there is an array of all wood constructed kosher caskets if they would like options other than a plain pine. This means that they can have a casket with an interior panel design such as a Star of David or menorah, a stained casket, or an oak, poplar or even mahogany casket for their loved one. 

Next, we discuss the type of service they are looking to have. I review the benefits of having a chapel service - protection from weather elements, heating and air conditioning, streaming capability, a comfortable location for family and friends to visit prior to the service - and also the opportunity to have a graveside service, if that is more convenient or beneficial to the family. 

There is of course a lot more involved in funeral directing and the planning of services, which I will continue to write about, but it is important to have an overview to understand why you see a Basic Services Fee on a funeral contract. 

My funeral director mantra is - every service a family has, they are planning for the first time. As professionals in the end-of-life industry, our role is to help ease this difficult process, provide families with the opportunity to mourn their loved one, tell their story now and for generations to come. Never be afraid to ask us a question, that is what we are here for.

Honoring Traditions, Remembering Loved Ones

As Passover and Easter approach, families around the world are reminded of those who are no longer with us and the impact they continue to have on traditions both old, and new.

Growing up, my Papa Sy, the patriarch of the Resnick family, led our seders. Sy grew up in East New York in an observant household, and while he may not have upheld all of his family’s traditions, he took pride in overseeing the seder, reading the Haggadah, and ensuring we understood our history. I remember thinking our seders were 10 hours long, when in reality, they were probably 60-90 minutes, but no matter the length, Passover was always my favorite holiday. As an old soul, I loved listening to the stories around the “adult table”, longing for the chance to claim my seat, eating gefilte fish, singing, and playing games after the meal. I loved watching my grandfather begin the Passover story, wash his hands, and delight in seeing who found the afikomen. His love for his family was contagious, and it spread not only to his immediate family, but to my mother’s parents as well.

We were lucky enough to spend all of our holidays with both sets of grandparents, and while my mother’s family was not as observant growing up, her father, my Papa Bob, immensely enjoyed being with his family. He loved nothing more than when my cousins were able to join us from Boston and we were all around the table together. Today, we are lucky enough to continue having our extended family at our seder, which now consists of my sister’s in-laws, close family friends, and those who we open our arms and home to if they are without a place for seder.

In addition, we have carried on the traditions of making our own gefilte fish from my great-grandmother’s recipe(which I PROMISE is delicious), bringing generations of women together to prepare and cook, and of course, singing dayenu at the top of our lungs. We have incorporated new practices, including wearing plague masks, making matzo bark, and incorporating seder plates and Haggadot made by my niece and nephew.

As new practices and traditions emerge, I am reminded that they are all tied to the past in some way. I will never forget Papa leading the seder, but look to my father for a new perspective as he continues after his father’s passing. I will always treasure the way the excitement my Papa Bob had for the holidays, and his love for family and bringing everyone together. While I did not have that long with my grandmother, who passed away when I was very young, I am grateful to her family, the Buchbinders, for blessing us with family recipes that continuously bring us joy and full stomachs and will continue to be passed down.

What’s In A Name?

Naming traditions differ around the world, some cultures and religions name after the living, others after those who have passed, some have different time frames wherein they announce a newborn baby’s name, and some have ceremonies where they name a baby. Regardless of one’s practices, there is a universal understanding that there is meaning behind a name. 

I have always found names fascinating and I love learning about the etymology of words and names as it provides meaning and sometimes, a little bit of history. I remember sitting around our dining room table after my grandfather’s passing. My Papa Bob’s last name is “Metz”, which I had always assumed was part of our German heritage. Our Rabbi, whose love of history my grandfather appreciated, told us that it is actually a city in France, where our family most likely came from. Obviously, I went straight to wikipedia to find out more about Metz and discovered that it is a city on the border of France, Germany, and Luxembourg.

While I was excited to learn something new about my family, I was also upset that I did not have an opportunity to speak with my grandfather about this and perhaps learn a little bit more about his family and their history, which is something I do not know much about. Since I try not to dwell on the past, I have decided to lean into our family names and learn more about the people we are named after and why we were given our names. 

As an Ashkenazi Jew, I have an English name and a Hebrew name. While I am not named after anyone in our family in English, I am named after my mother’s great-aunt Rose and bear the name “Ruchel” or “Rachel”, which means “ewe”. 

When my sister was pregnant with her son, there was no doubt that his Hebrew name would be “Simcha”, which translates to “joy” and perfectly describes my grandfather, Sy, and my nephew. My niece is named after my Papa Bob, with the middle name Ruby, and my grandma Marian with the Hebrew name “Mindl”. She is a true gem like my grandfather, and while she does not necessarily emulate the meaning of Mindl (peaceful in nature, restful), neither did Marian! 

A name can have many meanings to an individual and to those around them. My family calls me Andrea, my friends call me Ange, my niece and nephew call me Drea, and if I am ever called up to the Torah it is as Ruchel. Regardless, all of these names shape who I am and I am proud to carry on Rose’s name and forge my own identity.

Returning to My Roots

I have spent the past two weeks “returning to my roots” both figuratively and literally with two wonderful Shabbat dinners, a Challah Bake with Jake Cohen, a Commonpoint Queens Board Meeting, and a women's networking event at UJA-Federation NY. As I reflect on these action packed last two weeks, I feel enormous gratitude for these opportunities, a renewed, reinvigorated sense of community, and I am reminded that one of the core tenets of Judaism to me, is that we are never alone. 

We are never alone in celebration, observance, or in mourning. Whether you are dancing the hora, observing Shabbat, or participating in a minyan, part of a minyan, you are part of something larger. 

I felt compelled to share my feelings as the past few months have brought certain challenges and risks in my personal and professional life, during which I have often felt like I was alone in my thoughts and feelings. A. Resnick Communications is my first solo venture, and while it certainly has been very exciting, I have also felt unsure of myself and quite frankly a little scared. 

However, after the past two weeks of meeting new people and reconnecting with others, I realize I have so many people in my life to bounce ideas off of, introduce to others in my network, or just grab coffee with to get out of the apartment. So, all of this is to say, we are not alone, we are part of something larger than ourselves, and if you ever want to or need to connect, I am here.

No More Excuses: How to Easily Obtain Email Addresses

Why is it so hard for my funeral home to gather email addresses?

I have been asked this question time and time again by various end-of-life professionals. In any other instance, I would never give this a second thought as I have regularly provided my email information for as long as I can remember. A space for an email address exists on almost every contact form at a doctor’s office, exercise class, legal paperwork, or to make a reservation at a restaurant. However, it is not necessarily common practice in the funeral industry yet, and obtaining email addresses is something I routinely hear is a struggle for funeral directors. I have found that once you convey the necessity for an email address, you have quelled the family’s concerns.

Here are some common questions and suggested responses. 

• Is a family wary of an abundance of emails? Explain the reasons you need their email address. You may wish to email pricing information and merchandise options, gather missing statistical information, or send any necessary paperwork to families. 

• Is there information that you will need them to send you? Families can use email to provide your location with an obituary, images of their loved one, and shiva or repast details.

• Is a family streaming their loved one’s funeral service? If a family member does not wish to publish this information online or prefers it sent to them directly, you will need their email address to share the streaming or recording link. 

• Do you need them to check the spelling of names and addresses on important paperwork? You can email them a copy of any necessary documents to review as an email attachment. In addition, they can quickly reply with any alterations or additions, expediting any changes.  

• Does your funeral home provide Aftercare to families via email? Explain the benefits of Aftercare to families, what information they will receive, and that they can opt out of emails if they no longer wish to receive them.*

Some funeral homes have added a section for email addresses to their first call sheets, while others have made it part of their funeral cards or folios. Regardless of how your funeral home obtains statistical information or whether it is handwritten or input into a case management system, there should be a space for an email address so that asking for it becomes habitual. 

If you have additional questions or want to speak further about obtaining email addresses, please do not hesitate to contact me at aresnick@aresnickcommunications.com or 516.987.8639. 

*Please note: any automatically generated emails should have an “opt-out” feature, where those who do not wish to receive any more emails can unsubscribe themselves or contact you to remove them from an email list. 

The Importance of Written Communication

When is the last time you sat down to write a note, a letter, or a blog post? Have you thought about the importance of written communication in your business? Is it commonplace for your funeral directors or team members to handwrite notes to client families or send out holiday cards to clergy members?

For as long as I can remember, my mother used to sit me and my siblings down after holidays and birthday parties to write thank you notes, which is something I still do to this day. I have found that sitting down and gathering my thoughts allows me to really think about the overall message, use appropriate language, and take time to review and edit before hitting “send” or dropping an envelope in the mail.

I was recently asked about the impact written communication has in the end-of-life industry. When posited with this question, I paused for a moment, thought about all of the content I have written, feedback I have received, and came to the conclusion that written communication provides gratitude to the author, recipients, and readers. When sitting down and putting pen to paper, one really has to consider their intentions, messaging, and word choice to ensure their correspondence has the desired effect. All too often, we are rushing to answer the next call, return an email, or are running from task to task. Sitting down to compose one’s thoughts forces us to pause and take a moment and truly think about the recipient, purpose, and effect.

I also believe that a handwritten or typed and signed note further the connections we build with the families we serve. As end-of-life industry professionals, we strive to provide families with comfort and support, and quite often, a little note saying you are there to answer any questions, or that you appreciated speaking with them following the service, goes a long way. So, the next time you are thinking of sending an email and are all too quick to hit the “send” button, consider the impact a handwritten note may have.